sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
