I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
