Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
