Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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