i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
