So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
