i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
