sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
