ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
