She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
