Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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