and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The uberlube is also flammable
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
