Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
