is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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