I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize