Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
