eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
