so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
