toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
