I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize