He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
