Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
