If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
