we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
