I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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