I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
