You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
