I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So much rum. So many feels.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
