Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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