Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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