i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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