It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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