OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
