I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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