She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
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