Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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