Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
