Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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