You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Houston, we have a blender
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
