I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
