so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
