i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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