She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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