I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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