The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
