I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
bring money and cleavage
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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