I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
