he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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