How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
