So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the day after is always just damage control
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
