I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
