The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
