sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
