Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
