Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
