I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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