I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
