PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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