Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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