you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
