she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
