i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize