I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my shit smells like andre
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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