Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am one with the molecules
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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