i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
