i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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